I'm a craven

I viewed her blog a moment ago. I've cried. 

I realized I'm a failure. 

Don believe? I just viewed month to month...

March of 2009 till now. I found that I actually did not do well. As what you said, I m not romantic. No, you're wrong. I'm actually not romantic coming with careless, unwilling to pay more attention to your innert heart. 

I read a blog, that time I went up Genting with her to fetch my bro. On the moment we are waiting, i took a few pictures with you and you're so happy. Yeah, I'm so careless.

Every blog shows that you're so happy whenever I find you for outgoing. I'm ready proud of this and I know this well. I've been told whenever she saw me, she would never angry anymore. I know this =) 

I remember once I was busy and because of some problems, I did'nt find her for 5 days and she was so sad. In between 5 day we didnt meet each other, we quarreled inside phone so frequent and I just couldn't understand why she was so emo that time. By the we meet, she was so happy. No more quarrel and what I understand from this, she is just too missing me so she got emo. Sorry for misunderstand her last time.

I told one of my best friend, I cried. She courage and chill me up. Courage me to get her back. I hope to but ....can I?

I rather I know how actually you're doing and you tell me that what actually happening to you.

Am I stupid? or great? or maybe a craven?

I believe I'm a craven.

If you're me? what you going to do? Can anyone guide me? Used to call her Babe T. I misses every moment we been together. Wondering braveness will be rewarded or punished?

Got to revise now since I m having insomia lately. Wishes her all the best. Be happy plz. 

** Anyway, congratz to Ryan and Alvin. Both of you are so great, astro xin shou 15 strong.**

I know you're always there

Telling myself that I'm so happy right now.

Hahaha. Seriously I mean it and what actually happened? 

She is going to study back and I wish her everythings going smooth. I know it would be a hard life for her whereby she has to work in the morning and study after working. Anyway, I did told her I'm always there for her supporting her. Chill la my dearest girl and I know there is nothing can stop you. 

Maison is so suck yesterday. Regreting for not joining Chloe steamboat party!hahahaha 

The place is totally crowded with peoples and what my friends said, 'so many seafood'. I think it's related to the student having holidays this week and causes Maison floated. First time I keep looking at the time whereby hoping the time past. No more to ladies night and I rather pay more just to relaxing myself.

There is a time I go dance floor. Hahaha... my buddy(gai tze) say, ' eh..that girl bai ming bei ni eat la'. Frankly, firstly I did not notice that but when I was told and i start looking at her...I was wondering why keep on use your ass shaking and hit me. Anyway, how to eat? Hold her waist or? Kiss her right on the spot? Ridiculous. 

After that I could not stand the crowded dance floor and proceed back to our table. Fuck. I smoked once again. Haha. Not addicted, but ...just too boring! When I was smoking alone, a girl touched me just to get my notice, 'eh, she want to dance with you'. I replied ' I'm smoking o,finished first'. 

Sigh, 

I don know what is going on..but I just found clubbing life not something I'm seeking for.

After yesterday, I knew she always there in my mind. 

I love you...Yes. I really do. =))

I'm evil =)

Feels like blogging today. Quite a time I'm so lazy moving my fingers at the keypad and pressing my brain to narrate my stories!

It's already 3.20a.m now but I just cant get myself lying on the bed, closing my both eyes and have a sweet dream. I got to wake up early tomorrow to take my breakfast before working.

Just to share, I'm working at Kedah currently for roadshow, promoting ticket whereby it's a project worked by Genting and radio station of 988. I'm so pleased to got this opportunity meeting some new friends coming from different state. Going for more roadshow on the coming dates. As far as I'm concerned, the next destination would be Alor Setar and I'm sure it will be so fun. My colleague told me that we are going to meet Mona from the radio 988 tomorrow but frankly speaking....who is she? Hahaha. Macam tak kenal la! The hotel here is so awesome whereby it's air-conditioned , great wi-fi stability with full bar, great shower facilities, great in-house tv whereby i could watch my football matches here and last but not least, it's also comes with a great comfortable clean bed.

IMY
This is what I actually posted at my status.
Don second guess...
No doubt, i miss you badly. I'm wondering how well are you doing. Do you stay in the most healthy and happy condition? Can anyone just tell me how's she doing?
Lolz..hope she is fine, escaping from those lame people disturbing her life, Something is so ridiculous, that lame people that I've mentioned fb-ed me few days ago. Taking the initiative talking to me , decribing who is he and I was shocked. If he fb-ed me at the past, I promised I gonna ask bout her parents condition but I did not do it. What? It's not because I'hv already changed my heart, this is actually I found that he did not did anything wrong but.. I'm the one who causing the situation right now. Losing the one I love the most. So, when there is a lost and there is a profit but this loss is something big for me.

You guys believe in fate?
I do...
I dont even know her well before changing our status from single to in a relationship.
Something is arranged and don too over force it.
If there is a chances I could meet her back, I believe i could really do better and better..appreciate every moment with her.
Anyway, if don..I wont feel sad. What can I do? =) Just one thing, continue wishing her happy forever and don second guess or think when need help. Whenever and whatever you need my assist, just give me a call.

It's so late her. Frankly, i miss every of my friends. Especially to Bao, a good listener for me whereby she is so persuative. Friendship doesn't end even the day i die. =)) cheer..miss you always!!

一个苦者找到一个和尚倾诉他的心事。
他说：“我放不下一些事，放不下一些人。”
和尚说：“没有什么东西是放不下的。”
他说：“这些事和人我就偏偏放不下。”
和尚让他拿着一个茶杯，然后就往里面倒热水，一直倒到水溢出来。
苦者被烫到马上松开了手。
和尚说：“这个世界上没有什么事是放不下的，痛了，你自然就会放下。”



你可能觉得难过
因为无论你对他怎么好他都不领情
他不是看不到
他只是装作看不到
或者他根本不想看到
你觉得自己很喜欢他
甚至觉得再没有一个人可以像你那么喜欢他
你用尽全力对他好
把他看的比自己还重要
有什么事情第一个就想到他



联系不到他的时候你担心他担心的快疯了
然而你有没有想过
这并不在你的责任范围
而且很有可能他是在躲着你
他受不了你对他那么好
不要一直发短信给他
不要一直找他
你也许只是想找他说说话
你觉得那很正常不算苛求
但是也许他并不这么想



记住你的想法不代表他的想法
你是真的不求回报的在喜欢他吗
你扪心自问一下
你确定不用他回报什么吗
那为什么你会难过
若是真的一无所求
你又怎么会觉得难过呢
所以别觉得你那么爱他是伟大的
也许她根本不在乎你怎么为他付出
有时候你给他的爱或许是种负担



这种负担只会让他更加想远离你
因为他不想亏欠你
别事事为他担心为他张罗
你觉得他没有你不行
你觉得别人做不到你那么完善
但是你要清楚
你不是他要的那个人
你做的再完善也敌不过人家不做
自然会有人为他担心为他着急
不用你来费心



那个位置本来就不是你的
你何必硬要挤上去呢
也许曾经你们是相爱过的
但是请记住那是曾经
过去的就是过去了
如果大家真的适合在一起
那么当初就不会分开
无论是谁提的分手都一样
这段感情曾经就是存在破裂点的
不管是谁错结果都是一个你们分开了



分开以后
如果一方试图想挽回而另一方没有同意的话
那么这段感情就是过去了
他是理智的因为他已经明白了两个人不适合
而你还一遍一遍的告诉自己
你们当初如何如何相爱
不可能那么容易就分手的
这样只会让你更加难以放弃
却不会让对方再次回头选择你
除非大家都有意要和好



否则你一个巴掌是不可能拍响的
所以尽早打消这个念头吧
至于他是不是有意我想你自己心里比谁都明白
不要觉得自己有多可怜或者把自己弄的很可怜
这样做一点意思也没有
他不会因为你可怜而喜欢你
你说道理你都懂只是你做不好
不是你做不好是你不想做
你不是怕忘记他你是怕他忘了你吧
别说什么他离不开你的



其实分明就是你离不开他
他若是离不开你
他就不会不要你
整天死死巴着人家不放的人是你
不懂事的人是你
难道你没看出来吗
喜欢他不是你的错
想关心他不是你的错
控制不住自己不是你的错
但是那是你的方式



傻孩子．
忘了吧．所有你留恋的．你回忆的．你拥有过的．
那些．都已是记忆．
缺失并不可怕．
可怕的．是无法面对．



傻孩子．
勇敢看着镜子中的自己吧．
这个悲伤软弱满面憔悴的自己．
这也是你．成长中的你．
这个你．正在逐渐死去．
新的你．即将重生．
找寻你的路．你的未来．
你知道的．所有的浩劫．都是成长的祭奠．
做最好的自己．即使．一个人．



傻孩子．
你无法轻易忘记放弃．是因为你付出过．
付出了．她就会像柱子一样扎根在心．
不要刻意去逃避．刻意忘记．那只会让你更痛苦．
绕开这个柱子．寻找未来的幸福生活吧．
那里．有你的理想．



傻孩子．
开始新的习惯吧．
习惯．早上不再有人工闹铃．
习惯．每天一个人生活．
习惯．一个人过生日．一个人行走．
你逃不掉．逃不掉的．
那么．就勇敢面对．现实．
现实是．她已离开．一切．画上了句点．



傻孩子．
好．好．尽情发泄吧．
剥开自己的心．用文字．用声音．用所有能发泄的方式．
泄完了．就要振作．
看吧．你失去的．其实微不足道．
还有那么多人关心着你．以不同的方式．
所以．你并不孤独．
正是这样的失去．让你看清现在所拥有的幸福．



傻孩子．
别哭．别再哭．
不值得．真的．不值得了．
把过去尘封吧．别委屈．别不甘心．别不接受．
开始新的旅程吧．去遇见新的风景．新的际遇．
做你该做的事吧．有很多事．等待着你完成呢．



傻孩子．
所有的人都对你有信心．
所以．你也要充满信心．
你是坚强的．积极的．乐观的．洒脱的．
以前是．以后也会是．
总有一天．那个活力无穷傻气无尽的女金刚会复活．



傻孩子．
生活褪去了曾有的颜色．暂时宁静．
别沉沦在这片宁静里．那会毁掉你．
你要明白．虽然残忍．但这个决定．足够正确．
现在的生活．不是你想要的．
为了你的理想．你必须学会适时放弃．
给对方最好的关怀．就是．变的更好．更强大．更幸福．



现在我对你很好、很好、很好,
你不需要、你无所谓、你不在乎，你不珍惜。。。。
当某天，你被伤害，想起我。
那时的我再也做不到像现在这样一如既往、不顾一切的



对你好了。。。
因为那时的我，已经将你放低。。。。
原来，放低一个人，最后是被对方逼出来的。。。。
其实这个世界，真的没有非要谁不可，
走自己的路，别回头